Avidity
by marvelousmess
Summary: The same dream reoccurs every night for her. Of course, it always involves him. She searches for him by day and as she takes breaths into sleep by night she realizes they are falling..


Every single night my mind becomes a color scheme of imagination. It sounds ridiculous, I know. But it's only about as ridiculous as me talking to myself when I wake up from my daily slumber. It's not really me I'm talking to, though. I've come to find over the last two years that my heart, and whatever may be in it, is a representation of our love. It's you. Me. Or it's both of us together. No matter who I'm trying to reach I know I can reach them because my heart is a personification of the very basic of our souls. That's why I don't worry when I find myself rambling. It puts me into a sort of calm, in fact, like the one all the people of Spira are supposed to be in right now. I talk because I dream. I think I dream because I miss you.

I always have the same dream. I never thought I would be a reoccurring dreamer, but since you've gone nothing has been as I thought it would be. When my dream starts we are falling. Of course, I can never remember exactly where my dream begins. Have you noticed how no one can? We somehow fall right into the middle of it but we always feel like it's the beginning. We don't know any better if there are no definite lines. I have a feeling like it was the same for you. You were part of a fantastic dream that the fayth dreamed. You knew you existed, but you had no idea where it all began. Do you want to know a secret? I still can't believe that the fayth would want to stop dreaming such a wonderful dream as you, no matter how tired they were…

When the dream begins we are falling. It's not typical though, as we are falling through clouds. Neither of us can see the ground. There is no fear. The clouds are not threatening, and they smooth our skin as we fall. The sky is so vividly bright, but really what I can't take my eyes off of is you. We are holding each other's hands and smiling. Your smile sends warmness through me. The feeling is almost the equivalent of our passionate moments when we stopped at Macalania. We are feeling so much but we can't speak. I can talk to you with my eyes though. _I love you_, they say. _I've missed you_, your eyes propel to me.

We seem to be stuck in our blissful confessions when rain starts to float upwards with us. It multiplies and it's hitting our skin, blurring the space between our faces. Though it is raining the sky is still powerfully blue. Your eyes fill with sudden panic. Not only were you my lover, but my guardian. Your first feeling is to protect me. If only you knew how self-sufficient I am now. Quickly the rain starts to dissolve and small rays of warm sun start to shoot through and around us. Eventually those disappear as well and colorful leaves run their course against our skin. I start to giggle and you crack a smile. How could we not have noticed? The seasons are coming up around us. We enjoy the snow as the small flakes melt on our faces. I even stick my tongue out and it makes you laugh at me. The snow dies away and it's just us again, falling through the incredibly crisp sky, looking into each other's eyes. Suddenly you start to seem sad. Your smile fades and you look away from me. I long for you to look back into my eyes. When you finally do I understand and my smile lines disappear. We had experienced as lovers in this foreign place as we would never be able to experience at home in Spira. After the calm started we were supposed to live out our days carefree together. Exploring or doing whatever we wanted to. After we assisted the fayth you disappeared like balloons soaring off into Spira's radiant sky. We had experienced the seasons. Our short experience in this place I could not name had reminded me of what I would never have.

Though I know you could not see it, I vowed at that moment to steal you away from the unknown and bring you back to our home with me when we returned. I had no idea if I could accomplish my goal or what would happen, but I smiled at you. I had always practiced smiling when I felt sad. This was one of the perfect examples where I could put that skill to use. You contemplated for a moment and then smiled back. It put me at ease, and we were back to staring into each other's eyes intensely again, wondering how we were ever able to be apart. Suddenly a bad feeling overtook my body. My stomach seemed to twist itself into knots and your face became a panic too. My body seemed to start falling faster than yours. You were leaving, falling up and away from me. My eyes became wide and though the wind suddenly seemed to be making them sting I did not care. The luminous sky seemed to blind me and though I abruptly could not see I held onto your hands as tight as I could, trying to pull you back down. My senses were confusing me and the only thing I could capably do was hold onto your slipping hands. I thought it was working… I thought you were coming back down but a sudden gust of wind blew up and carried you out of my hands.

I was frightened until all of my senses suddenly returned to normal. I slowly opened my eyes and what I saw made my heart drop a thousand feet. You were nowhere. When I looked up I could not see you. I knew I would not fall to you during my downward drop. I was alone and though I had vowed to take you back to Spira with me, you were gone. I could not keep my promise. My thick tears started to flow above me as I let my body relax and fall through the air without any struggle. I had lost you for a second time. Some force that was more powerful than me had taken you away and I was left to wonder and feel unfulfilled once again.

Unexpectedly I noticed something. My tears seemed to be coming from underneath me and hitting my face. I could not help but wonder: had the way I was falling shifted? My tears kept hitting my face until they were replaced with strips of quick warm sunlight. It only took me a second to realize what was happening… I was going through the seasons without you. The unknown power had taken away the only thing I had ever possibly wanted and replaced it with my painful reality. I was alone. I was living without you. The pain in my chest was unbearable. I struggled to comprehend my situation for a moment, and then I quickly positioned myself towards my last resort. I tried to whistle over and over again, as loud as I could but there was no sound. At first there was panic and then I became calm. I closed my eyes and then opened them towards the ground. I started falling faster. I knew I could stop myself.

And then I wake up. The same dream reoccurs every night but somehow I always wake up feeling completely different. I make sure no one is around and then I talk to myself. I talk to you. I tell you about the dream. I tell you about how I feel waking up. Somehow I know you're listening to me and that's why I keep speaking. I end my conversation with you before I go out for the day with these last thoughts: I miss you. Wait for me. Don't give up, because I'm going to bring you home.


End file.
